2013 is a new year for many people, including me too. Everyone was busy with their uni applications, trying to think hard about what they wanted to do in future, whether or not they will like the course they are enrolling into.

What if I regret my choice? What if I don't make good friends at my new school? What if I don't perform as well as I did previously? I had these thoughts too, and they were quite scary.

Time passed really quickly, and it's June 12 already. Almost 2 months since I first enrolled myself into this course.

I feel quite amazed at myself actually, because I decided to go for a course that I thought I would never think of?

After spending time in this course, going through all the projects (and there are still more), as well as meeting my classmates and knowing them better, I think I made a good choice. Sure, this journey is going to be long and tiring, and I will always be doubting myself, my ability. And yes, I'm inferior compared to other people in this course in many many ways, even though I scored quite a lot better than them. But really, when it comes to university, qualifications do not really matter in my opinion. They just 'ensure' your enrolment into the course, and how you go from there depends on your own abilities, how you work with people, how thorough your thought process is, how careful you are, not just how you mug. (which of course I have to admit I do mug :/)

It's like, when I see my classmates, I find so many things I can learn from them. They come from different backgrounds, different schools, with different personalities of course. But what's really heart-warming is their passion to help. And it gives me this warm fuzzy feeling when I'm around so many nice people. -laughs-

But there are some times when I feel isolated. (perhaps like now?) Isolated from my old friends, because I've been busy with projects, busy spending time with my new classmates that I neglected them. Isolated from my new classmates, because no matter how close I get/try to get to them, the time we have known one another is very short, and I can't seem to just break these walls of mine to let them through. Isolated from the world in general because memories of the past keep pulling me back, despite my efforts to move forward. To move on and to accept that things that happened have happened. That I still have a long way to go with my life, and time shouldn't be wasted.

Maybe my defense mechanisms are still strong. (reminds me of psychology because I learn about defense mechanisms T.T Not sure which type this is under though ><) Maybe I enjoy this feeling of loneliness, isolation when I am alone. This sad feeling is addictive, and it gives me a shelter I can go back to. The door on the dark side is always open. -laughs-

This post is really random because I'm just typing down all my thoughts and they are not in order/are just jumping around.

I miss you. Really. I have no idea why. Is it the feeling of regret? Or guilt? Or anger because things didn't turn out the way I want them to? The broken promises. The harsh words said. The mocking laughter. They still ring in my head. Never letting me go. Of course there are the happy memories. Don't get me started. They'll just make me more confused.

I am learning to let go. To embrace the happiness I am given. To fight back the negative emotions that try to put me down.

But there will always be a spot in my heart that belongs to you. That wishes that you will come back. Wherever you are, whenever you want to. Whoever you have been, whoever you are. I can accept it, if you just come back. Back into my vision field. Back into my life.

Then again, what if this isn't love?

I guess I'll never find out the answer.

2013 is a new year for many people, including me too. Everyone was busy with their uni applications, trying to think hard about what they wanted to do in future, whether or not they will like the course they are enrolling into.

What if I regret my choice? What if I don't make good friends at my new school? What if I don't perform as well as I did previously? I had these thoughts too, and they were quite scary.

Time passed really quickly, and it's June 12 already. Almost 2 months since I first enrolled myself into this course.

I feel quite amazed at myself actually, because I decided to go for a course that I thought I would never think of?

After spending time in this course, going through all the projects (and there are still more), as well as meeting my classmates and knowing them better, I think I made a good choice. Sure, this journey is going to be long and tiring, and I will always be doubting myself, my ability. And yes, I'm inferior compared to other people in this course in many many ways, even though I scored quite a lot better than them. But really, when it comes to university, qualifications do not really matter in my opinion. They just 'ensure' your enrolment into the course, and how you go from there depends on your own abilities, how you work with people, how thorough your thought process is, how careful you are, not just how you mug. (which of course I have to admit I do mug :/)

It's like, when I see my classmates, I find so many things I can learn from them. They come from different backgrounds, different schools, with different personalities of course. But what's really heart-warming is their passion to help. And it gives me this warm fuzzy feeling when I'm around so many nice people. -laughs-

But there are some times when I feel isolated. (perhaps like now?) Isolated from my old friends, because I've been busy with projects, busy spending time with my new classmates that I neglected them. Isolated from my new classmates, because no matter how close I get/try to get to them, the time we have known one another is very short, and I can't seem to just break these walls of mine to let them through. Isolated from the world in general because memories of the past keep pulling me back, despite my efforts to move forward. To move on and to accept that things that happened have happened. That I still have a long way to go with my life, and time shouldn't be wasted.

Maybe my defense mechanisms are still strong. (reminds me of psychology because I learn about defense mechanisms T.T Not sure which type this is under though ><) Maybe I enjoy this feeling of loneliness, isolation when I am alone. This sad feeling is addictive, and it gives me a shelter I can go back to. The door on the dark side is always open. -laughs-

This post is really random because I'm just typing down all my thoughts and they are not in order/are just jumping around.

I miss you. Really. I have no idea why. Is it the feeling of regret? Or guilt? Or anger because things didn't turn out the way I want them to? The broken promises. The harsh words said. The mocking laughter. They still ring in my head. Never letting me go. Of course there are the happy memories. Don't get me started. They'll just make me more confused.

I am learning to let go. To embrace the happiness I am given. To fight back the negative emotions that try to put me down.

But there will always be a spot in my heart that belongs to you. That wishes that you will come back. Wherever you are, whenever you want to. Whoever you have been, whoever you are. I can accept it, if you just come back. Back into my vision field. Back into my life.

Then again, what if this isn't love?

I guess I'll never find out the answer.

Hello.

Angie two three four five



Layout by mymostloved with graphics from obsequious. Background from fivepointsapart and colors here.